Although many of the benefits of sex toys are obvious to anyone who owns them, the “sex positive” effect they can have on a relationship is where their full potential value resides.


So what’s your take on sex toys?  Do you think of them as a private secret?  Something to be kept in the bottom of a drawer and used only in the most private moments?  Or are you among the most unencumbered lovers with his, hers, and shared toys that are used whenever the mood strikes?

Whatever your particular take is on the subject, one thing is clear:  sex toys are popular, with sales topping $15 billion annually.  So whether your toys are hidden or shared pleasures, owning and enjoying them puts you in the company of millions of other people.


Although many of the benefits of sex toys are obvious to anyone who owns them, the “sex positive” effect they can have on a relationship is where their full potential value resides.

We can turn the tired, old euphemism “marital aid” around when toys are used for more than just ‘private time’. Instead of a socially acceptable way of saying “sex toy”, they become relationship aids when used without embarrassment or shame.

So it’s time to take the toys out of their secret place and put them where they can be used with your lover as well as when alone – like, right next to the lube!

Here are just a few examples of:

When sex toys become “marital aids”


Communicationcommunication skill level is directly related to the odds of having great sex.

Many people find it difficult to talk about sex with their lover, particularly if they have never tried it! A great way to open up a dialogue is to convince your lover to take you to an adult store in person or online to look for something simple to share, like lube. When you start shopping, wander around a bit while you’re there. Talking about lube and marveling at the variety of toys in use today creates a neutral territory where talking about sex is easiest. Start talking about a new toy to share and before long you will also be sharing your deepest fantasies.


Comfort Levelour ability to enjoy sex is directly related to our comfort level, with the odds of having great sex favoring the least encumbered.

Bringing toys into the bedroom to share is an opportunity to overcome any embarrassment or shame issues that may exist. They shake up old routines and open dialogue, becoming a gateway to sexual exploration and discovery in the process. They may even tempt you into exploring some of the most common sexual fantasies like mutual masturbation and BDSM, where toys are particularly useful.


Balanced Sexual Energythe odds of having great sex improve by learning to enjoy and express the full range of masculine to feminine sexual energies.

Toys help to overcome the common misconception that when it comes to sex, men should bring it while women receive it. The best sex ebbs and flows, with each partner taking turns directing the action to give or receive pleasure. Because taking charge of your own pleasure is an essential ingredient to sexual satisfaction.

Toys certainly put you in charge of your own pleasure when playing solo. But the real power comes when you can say to your lover, “I’m not done yet, baby, bring out the toy!” And do it without embarrassment or bruised ego.


Intimacy intimacy is a potent contributor to great sex.

Check survey results – or check yourself! – because it’s pretty much a universal rule that people prefer sex that has an emotional, as well as a physical component. While not necessarily “love” per se, the emotional component is a product of intimacy when there is also respect, honesty, and genuine concern.

Toys become a catalyst for intimacy through the shared experiences they create. Trying something new, facing and overcoming any vulnerabilities, or just having a super sexy time together are all sure to elicit the kind of “emotional component” we all want with our sex.


Great sex does not just happen. It takes skill, patience and individual effort to learn all that your sexuality has to offer. Sex toys that are also marital aids are a fun and effective way of expressing each of what I call, the four components to great sex.

So dare to share that toy we all know is there somewhere!





photo copyright: 123rf.com/Georgy Kopytin

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