“I’m getting lucky tonight!”

It’s a phrase we all know well. It’s that ageless colloquialism that proclaims to the world, “I’m about to have sex, and I’m pretty damn happy about it!”

It’s certainly a great feeling, all of that excitement anticipation can bring – especially if you’re about to get busy with someone who has been there before: A known commodity. But let someone new into the mix and “getting lucky” becomes an entirely different proposition. One that speaks to the element of chance in finding a compatible lover.

The element of chance in our sexuality goes well beyond what it takes to find someone new. It is present in shaping our sexual development, and may be a big part of what is holding some people back from the sex lives of their dreams.


Chance is the one element that we all share in common when we first get started on our indoctrination into the wonderful world of sex. From the attitudes and opinions we learn from our parents to the earliest memories when we first became aware of our sexuality, we were shaped by circumstances that were largely beyond our control and comprehension. Without any basis for comparison or the knowledge to make our own determinations, we had no alternative but to respond as best we could to conditions as they presented themselves.

By the time we are ready to get naked with someone special, most have begun to lesson chance’s influence on their sexuality through the rudimentary education on STD and pregnancy prevention most of us receive in middle school. There are no lessons on pleasure, however, and chances are highly likely that our first lovers knew little more or less about sex than we did, leaving us to find our own way through the experiences we share.

As time goes on, experience provides perspective and the knowledge of what we want and don’t want sexually. Conditions and circumstances are now largely within our control, leaving us to decide how, when and with whom we will share our bodies. Yet despite these abilities, many continue to consciously or unwittingly rely upon chance to give them what they want.

Some may argue with this notion, that sexual gratification is somehow dependent upon the chance of finding or having an able partner – particularly if you’re a man. After all, nearly 9 out of 10 men achieve orgasm in all categories of sexual encounter, from hook-ups to casual sex and long-term lovers. So the odds are highly in a man’s favor that he will get his under any sexual circumstance.

Compare the orgasm rates of men to women and you can begin to see just how “lucky” getting lucky is for some women. Here you will find women reaching orgasm only 4 out of 10 hook-ups and about 6 out of 10 times for all other heterosexual encounters (gay women are on par with men at nearly 8 out of 10). So if it’s an orgasm a woman is after, then hook-up culture is definitely a poor bet at 4 out of 10. Odds so bad that if that if we were describing gambling in Vegas, no one would ever go there!


There is a way to dramatically affect your odds of “getting lucky” and having all of the best sex. It starts with the realization that there is no such thing as luck. Either you know what you’re doing and having great sex, or you take your chances with what sex shows up in your life.

Whether you are man, woman, married or single it all comes down to the same basic principles:

If you are constantly disappointed by the sex you are having, then there is only one answer – you need to learn more about sex.

If you find yourself rejecting potentially great life partners because of sexual “compatibility” issues, then you need to learn more about sex.

If you lose desire for someone with whom you and have shared great sex in the past, then you need to learn more about sex.

Waiting for someone to deliver pleasure and sexual satisfaction is nothing short of waiting to get lucky.



123rf.com photo copyright: Katarzyna Bialasiewicz

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